stepping out of your bubble

In my life over the years, I really have begun to see the remarkable importance of friendship. Until I was in nursing school, I of course realized that friends are your chosen family and your second halves, but never really took it deeper than the surface.

But for me, I have such a deep awareness of the impact my friends and their actions have on me. I have spent my years "floating" as I call it. I see myself not attached to one particular group and never have really with the exclusion of high school. During those four years, I was primarily associated with four other girls who stood as my confidants.

Over my teenage years and into my early twenties, I have unfortunately seen the damage friends have done to one another, and in my opinion take for granted the bounty presented before them. I have been witness to people my age truly be oblivious to the gifts of friendship. How can this happen? Where is there a disconnect from the truest point of at the end of the day, all we have is community?

Always ever eager to adhere to the golden rule (treat others as you would want to be treated), I find myself going above and beyond to help those around me. There are miraculous people in my life who I feel should be acknowledged for their contribution and beauty. I was talking to a friend about this a few months ago, and we both are very similar cuts of cloth. We both find ourselves feeling like we give and give to a relationship and rarely see return to the same extent. I found that I had been frustrated over this same dilemma, wishing and only hoping that my relationships would be equally satisfying on both ends. And then I came to a bountiful truth...

I cannot and should not act based on the premise that actions will be reciprocated. I was brought up in this world to cherish the glory around me, be thankful for things I was provided, and to share my gifts with my fellow human beings. I was not taught to act for the satisfaction of appearance, acclaim, or recognition. Therefore, if I act based on my heart and for nothing else than personal satisfaction, then the gifts will come back to me in their own way.

They don't have to be reciprocated really, just appreciated. If you find yourself consumed by your own personal bubble, step out of it, recognize the gift of the day, and acknowledge the beauty that someone in your life allows you to see. It speaks worlds in and of itself.

Oh 2008

2008 so for me can be looked at from two perspectives: a year of incomparable tragedy and sadness that streams in at a constant rate, pulling me down further and further underneath its waves, or a year of incomparable tragedy and sadness that has presented me with gifts of strength, optimism, and gentility.

Honestly, I used to go back and forth between these two options. In the beginning of the year, when I felt as though my world was crashing around me and all that was good was fading as the sun does at the end of each day, I was anything but hopeful. My only method of coping at that point was intermittent fits of tears or rage, sometimes both at once, really needing nothing but an immediate release of pressure inside my body. But no matter how much I cried tears of anxiety or screamed to the sky, the pressure was never relieved. It would build on itself until it could be contained no more. And this period of instability went on for a couple of months. I felt as though every time the severity of an event passed, another would claim my world and devastate me in a whole new way.

Over time, I was able to slowly mold into a new way of approach. I was finally able to absorb the awareness of tragedy and loss, and demand reasoning behind it. I am here finally at the dawning of a new day, feeling as though 2008 while being some of my darkest days have also been my brightest.

Through these tragedies in my world, I have learned lessons. I have taken solace in the unpredictability of life, and have understood that instead of focusing my attention SO MUCH on how hurt I am and how I have been pained previously, I should turn my head elsewhere. This isn't to say that each experience, good or bad shouldn't be remembered, but there is a time in everyone's life to shift the energy of your thoughts to the present.

For me now, it seems as though there is a break in the clouds, and I see the sun shine through the storm clouds with a hint of rainbow. But so now when I am confronted with circumstances that just further reinforce the fragility of life, instead of consuming myself with the sadness of it, I make it a point to really reinforce the positive. For example, as I was visiting Katherine Arnold, who absolutely stands as a beautifully angelic fighter, I was informed by my father of a terrible car accident that Dr. Moye was in a week ago. Immediately terrified and fearful that yet another one of Athens' finest had suffered even remotely, my father said to me "He has suffered significant bone crushing, has lost a tremendous amount of blood, but his brain is fine." That was all I needed to hear, that there was hope of his recovery, that his life was saved. A gift to me.

So take these events as they come into your life, cherish the days that aren't tainted by sadness, fear, death, and tragedy, and learn from the moments where these demons rear their ugly heads. They will be there waiting for us, but it is all about how we confront and manage them. In every new day, there is a time for lessons to be learned, and beauty to be seen.

a baby boy with 15 mothers

I have spent the last two days in Los Angeles visiting my friend Katherine Arnold Wolf who has recently undergone a devastating brain injury. Such an assault to quite a beautiful angel. I sit here on the floor of her mother's apartment, which is adorned with pictures of her three darling girls. I am able to see through these photos how they have grown from young children into stunning women. Each room breathes Kim Arnold. She is a classic Southern mother who is devoting her life and soul to the recovery of her first born, and I feel honored to spend these few nights in the space where she resides. She in fact has kept a blog as a method of coping. Her blog is a portal for her grieving and her thoughts, her frustrations and questions. Her baby boy James has been pampered endlessly by the many women surrounding Katherine and her recovery.

I came on this trip with such vague expectations. I didn't know whether or not I was going to be terrified, saddened, overwhelmed, anxious, etc. I just didn't know. Instead, I have been overjoyed, consumed by love, helpful, spiritual, contemplative and happy.

All of the negativity I anticipated surrendering to has been completely sidelined by glory. On this beautiful Saturday, I accompanied my darling friend Katherine from the confines of her UCLA Medical Center bedroom out into the bountiful sunshine of California. We were allowed to walk the 3 blocks to the apartments of her family and her husband's family. I walked by Katherine's side as she was pushed in her wheelchair through the busy streets of Sunset Blvd only to be greeted by a surprised and ecstatic audience. It was the most uplifting visit of my life. She was social, she was engaged, she was the vibrant and vivacious woman that I have remembered from my life in Athens.

Katherine in the last three days has taught me numerous lessons. She has enabled me to understand a true fighter. Someone so elegant in her poise and so beautiful in her motion but so fierce under the surface. She exudes courage. She is subtly comedic and appropriately thankful. She will never give up, even as she stared death in the face and rose above. Not only has she risen above, but she continues to rise. With each passing day, she makes progress. She has taught me that there is no one to say what should or shouldn't happen in this life. She has defied all odds, and overwhelmed all doubts. She is the ultimate hero.

a true leader

On one particular day, I was told by three different parties that I was a "natural leader." Now each one of these comments was made in a different context, and with each one, I inquired meaning behind the choice of words.

With the first...it came from a remarkable friend of mine. She is about 35 years old, PhD qualified former college professor who is the founder and starter of a website dedicated to providing an information portal for anybody seeking therapy for a myriad of reasons. She emulates an alternative lifestyle, and the two of us were easy to dig deep into our relationship from the start. In the comfort of her office (where I used to be a receptionist), I have felt comfortable sharing all of the positives and negatives of my world. And she dutifully listened and provided beautiful advice. It had been a month of so since we had talked, and to let her into things I was doing, I gave her my blog address. And she responded to that email with, "Greer you are such a natural leader." In this context, I see being a leader as not having the fear to express my emotions, fears, anxieties, etc...and allowing people to follow my lead and therefore not be afraid themselves. There is nothing to be afraid of, and part of the reason I am so willing to share is because I know that no matter who reads my entries, someone understands at least a portion of what I'm going through. Even if the connection is small, the connection is there.

The second time that day someone referred to me as leader was a man who has taken me under wing in my pursuit of becoming a great rock climber. He has taught me the essentials to being a good and safe climber and has let me tag along numerous times with him on great climbs. Very patient as he is, he lets me ask 1000000 questions and always leaves room for one more. But we were discussing a friend of his, who he referred to as someone who always likes to lead and never likes to follow. He mentioned that he got the same impression from me only in the sense that I like to lead as well. The only difference between someone like his friend and someone like me was that I make it an absolute priority to lead and be led. In this life, we must always be willing to learn, because every day is an evolution. I have never met anyone who had the entirety of this complex life figured out. And for me, I don't want to have it all figured out, I want to learn and take lessons from every day. That was one of the best compliments I have ever received.

Thirdly for the day, I was climbing that morning, and there was a group of men climbing a route next to ours. I found myself lead climbing a very difficult and very high portion of this mountain face, and discovered that I was extremely close to getting to the top all on my own. It was an incredibly liberating and exciting ascent for me, and it was a completely new experience. As I reached the top, I felt an ultimate sense of accomplishment. I had felt scared on the way up, felt vulnerable, but at the same time overwhelmed my fears of danger by taking small and carefully determined steps. Before I knew it, I couldn't go any further. After landing safely on two feet on the ground, one man from the group next to us immediately said, "you are a leader." I guess that may be a key element of a leader: not letting the internal fears and anxieties prevent you from reaching your ultimate goal. For at the completion, you are empowered, fearless and unstoppable.

Be a leader in your own life, whatever that may entail. But know that with being a leader doesn't just mean that you are a role model for others. Know that great leaders know how to be led and know how to listen and learn. Evolve daily.

friends

I have found a magnificent new friend. I stumbled onto this gem of a woman through common work areas, and then coincidentally moved into a home that I didn't realize she inhabited. Love coincidences like that. Aside from sharing a beautiful and serene abode (http://files.gluedtomyseat.com/GreersHome.mov), we have started an incredible journey together. She is one of those people that you meet in your life, and you just have that feeling in your heart that no matter what happens and no matter where life leads you, the two of you will always be there for each other.
In the first few weeks that we lived together, our wonderful commonality was that we were genuinely spread too thin in the workplace. Jumping from each job stepping stone to the next, we constantly found ourselves saying a quick hello here and there and a quick good night at the end of an exhausting day.
Then we got an opportunity to talk. I was allowed into her world. She let her gate down, and welcomed me into the diversity of her life. This is a woman who has overwhelmed life's tragedy, family incongruencies, romantic burns and come out on the other end as a truly beautiful soul. She shares with me the insecurities of her mind and seeks advice when needed. It is amazing how wonderfully she blends being both a leader and a follower, one who shares and one who listens. She fills me with peace and shows me that despite life's turns and devastating speed bumps, there is hope.
We have a beautiful dynamic, I know that I can count on her to relax my mind, we can share each other's days just in the comfort of our kitchen with no expectation. Additionally, she listens. It is important...so important to listen to the world around you. We are at very similar places in our lives with allowing life to lead us, paying attention to what the world presents and using it to our advantage. She craves contribution as I do. She craves substance as I do. She craves knowledge as I do. I love that not only have I found this great person in my life, but I am honored that I get to live with her!

On the anniversary of her 30th year, I wish her the most glorious of days. May she lavish herself in comfort and find warmth in the people around her. She is beautiful, strong, and deserves absolutely everything good that comes her way.

why fear death?

For me when I think about death, fear isn't really so much the first emotion that visits me. Honestly it is more of sadness. Sadness for one main reason: life as I have known it, as Greer Van Dyck will be no more. Now this isn't to say that I am afraid of this fact, because I feel as though fearing an inevitability is wasted energy.

But I know that the fear of death is something that many people struggle with. People close to me in life are always talking about how they are afraid of death. But it makes me wonder: are they afraid of the process of dying, or the actual fact that their life as they know it is ending? For me, I would only assume that it is a combination of the two. I'm sure that fear of a painful or slow death is absolutely a common source of anxiety, paired along with the fact that the time after death is completely unknown.

And then there is where it is centered: fear of the unknown. Because we don't know EXACTLY how our cards are going to fall, we are afraid. I feel as though in many facets of life, we must know all details, have all of the information. But here we can't have it, so what do we do? We fear it. And we fear all that stands at death's feet.

I was doing some reading in preparation for my graduate program, jeez school hasn't even started and already there's homework, but there was a paragraph on the topic that part of the reasons we may fear death so much is because we see death as a complete separation from the earth. We are traveling millions of miles away when we die and being taken further and further from the things and people we love. But consider this, instead of approaching death as a definite separation, see it as a new connection with the earth. If you think about it, we really are becoming closer to the earth, so where is this premonition that we are being abducted in a sense?

For suddenly, when death is seen as more of a connection than a separation from familiarity and comfort, I am less afraid and less sad. It isn't a day that I fear now, but am more perplexed by and fascinated with.

Lesson: Death, like everyday we spend on this earth, is unknown. You have no idea where the rise and fall of the sun is going to lead you, who you are going meet along the way, and what you are going to learn. Yet we don't fear the day. Why? See death as a dawning of a new day, not the end of one.

diffusion of responsibility

I stumbled on a domestic violence quarrel the other day on my way home biking from work. I was two miles from my home, thinking about the grilled shrimp that I had so carefully placed in my bag, and the cocktail sauce that I was balancing in my left hand as I rode. Not good to eat and drive.

I heard some yelling, and couldn't really understand a lot of the words that were being said and it didn't seem as though things were venturing out of the realm of "blissful marital spat." So I continued on with my bike riding and shrimp balancing when I had a feeling that I should turn around. So, going with that gut, I did. And I came closer to quite a shocking scene.

There was a man standing outside of his car with both doors on the left side open. He was screaming horrible things at this woman who was lying half way on the ground but was moderately propped up by a tree. Blood was pouring out of his nose and he was screaming at her to get in the car. I looked down at her, and a woman, who was half naked was bleeding from her face and was trying desperately to see out of two bulging black eyes. Covered in blood (probably her own and the man's) from head to toe, I rushed toward her. Needless to say I was the only one who did this out of the 10 people who were standing within 5 feet of her. I immediately ditched my bike (and my shrimp), and came to her side only to find her drunk and stumbling to find words. I had gotten a good look at the man who had yelled obscenities at her before slamming both doors in her face and speeding off. The other 10 people who were standing around looked horrified...frozen. I immediately demanded that somebody call 911 because this woman needed medical help.

As this was happening, I mentioned to the people rather politely that because this woman was bleeding from her face, maybe someone could get a towel. As the phone calls were being made and the towels retrieved, I got down on her level. Looked into her bruised and bleeding face and got through to her. Asked her who had mistreated her, asked her where she lived, asked her what her name was. All I could get from her was that she didn't need medical help, that her boyfriend had harmed her, and that it was only bumps and bruises.

Before I could get much more out of her, the police came and took over.

So, there were many things racing through my head throughout this experience. First of all, how is it that 10 people were standing around and nobody did anything? They stared at her like she was a spectacle, something to be heckled. For me, I was seeing her not as a woman covered in bruises and blood, but somebody who wasn't that far from everybody else, who just needed help and had found herself down the wrong path, desperately in need of guidance. There was a HUGE diffusion of responsibility, everybody there thought that because so many people were around, somebody would do something. And I guess maybe they were waiting for someone like me to show up. To not treat her as anything but a fellow human being.

Also, as I was speaking with this woman, all I could think about was "How did you get here, how did you let your boyfriend do this to you, where did your life take a turn?" And I came to my own conclusions on those questions.

Lessons learned: When you see a fellow man in need, help. Do not be one of those people who "diffuses the responsibility" onto others. Be that person that people assume is helping make a situation better. Be good in all that you do, know that you ended each day doing everything you could to help others. We are all in this together, remember that. Know that everybody comes from somewhere, don't assume that their present condition makes them less than you are. Everyone has a history, tainted or not, and deserves acknowledgment. Take the time to rush to someone's aid.