I am back!
It has been a long and relaxing summer and there hasn't been a ton of opportunity for me to write. I have really appreciated the joy and release that writing this blog has brought me, but I have also really loved the break from the need to consistently be processing my life on an emotional level.
And here I am now, coming to the end of the summer and realizing that my life as a student has resumed. I have begun again to spend two heavy days a week (and 5 moderate days a week) saturated in the work of counseling psychology and understanding the power of the human mind and body.
And I appreciate the work so much. For the first day of school, I found that my body was present, but my emotional/psychological/mental commitment to what I was doing wasn't. I thought I was there and really wasn't AT AL and understand how incredibly good humans are at programming themselves on autopilot.
I find myself doing it frequently throughout the day, and I think many people do. Waking up, doing the morning routine, going to work/school, taking breaks, engaging in small talk, coming home, eating, socializing, bed, repeat. It is amazing how many days can pass before we look back and realize that much of our existence has been on autopilot.
In one particular class on Thursday, a professor of mine was watching me engage in another student through an exercise, and he picked up on my present body and absent mind. He verbalized it in front of my other group exercise members, and immediately I was embarrassed.
Embarrassed for my skillful tact in maintaining a "distance" from everyone around me, embarrassed that my classmates had seen this false thread in me, embarrassed that my teacher didn't think I was real, etc. I became immediately defensive, and then gradually submissive to my masked impression.
Then, I came to. I was finally present. My attention was fully on the present moment, and I hadn't felt so real in a long time. Since then, I have been present. I have found the beauty of autopilot and our ability as humans to turn on a protective barrier surrounding us from the harsh physical/emotional realities, and then find such sanctity in having no barrier at all.
