I've always kind of been an "all or nothing" kind of gal. Especially when it comes to athletics. Historically if I only have 30 minutes to work out - I am more likely to drop the project than to take advantage of the 30 minutes that I have. Because in my mind, "if I don't have an hour, then its just not worth it." Wow. It's one thing to live with that kind of attitude and blindly exist in parallel with it, and then its quite another to hit that mindset head on and realize for the first time that it actually isn't authentic for you.
In college, running was my go to. Always excited to get out and run for an hour or two, and really used that time as my sanctuary. It allowed me to feel grounded to handle stress and unexpected changes in my life, and kept me physically feeling structured, confident, and energized. I didn't realize how much I leaned on it until life gave me a good dose of perspective.
I started to experience pretty significant knee pain, to the point of tears over the stabbing like feeling that just wouldn't seem to go away. This was a loaded bag - there was obviously the physical pain of it all and wrapping my head around actually how much Advil I could take safely, and then there was the emotional realization that my one method of release (obviously my own doing) was gone at least for the time being.
I went in and got an XRAY of my knee to find out that I had a severely inflamed IT band and that I should stay off of it for a few months. Great. Now this, in retrospect (as it always goes) a blessing - because it forced me to try other things, which sometimes let's face it - we need. What I appreciated more than anything else was finally - the world was providing for me, but the only way I was at the time allowing the world to provide for me was by physically not allowing me to stay in my current groove. Rigid much?
So what did this mean then...are you really telling me that I'm going to have to start working out on an elliptical? What I began to do, was become introspective - and learn my edge. I had absolutely reached my edge of rigidity. I was uncomfortable enough where I was set enough in my ways that I was unable to take my blinders off.
So I started biking. And cross training. And swimming. And who knew...I was happier. So for a few months, I proceeded along this course really mixing it up, enjoying new things, and feeling like I was in the beginning phases of dating...myself. I was being introduced to new parts of myself - and for the first time in a long time, I had trust.
So a couple of years later, I moved to Boulder - basically having not run for over 900 days. WEIRD for me. But I realized something even stranger about this whole process as I had lived in Boulder for about a year: I was afraid to run. I was afraid of that pain that I felt. And I was terrified that I would have to be off the exercise forever.
About 6 months ago, I went out for a 5 minute run. 5 minutes. I have always prided myself on being a daredevil. I was the first to try hangliding in my family, went skydiving, scuba dove at extreme depths, and never had a problem! I was TERRIFIED to run. After that 5 minute run, I was relieved. I thought about it, and hadn't realized until that moment how terrified I was to try to run again. Day after day, I would add a minute. Now I'm pain free and able to put in 10 miles no problem. It was a journey that process, but as my insight for the day: always have confidence to try.
No comments:
Post a Comment