separation

This painting is called "Separation and I really think its beautiful, so...There is this really important piece in my Human Growth and Development class that is so vital when working with clients in a therapy setting: the idea of truly being able to separate the "person and behavior" within a human.

To avoid being vague, this is what it means truly. It is an attempt to take an individual and be able to distinguish that person's actions from who they are inside. It is a nearly impossible task to take on, but I say nearly impossible because it is doable. I find myself having struggled with this for so much of my life, and even now.

When I was in nursing school, I behaved so badly for so long that I feel that awareness that there was a distinction was gone. I was so deeply entrenched in my behavior that it didn't even phase me that behavior and being could be separate. To me, they were one. To me, I was a person who was just so in need of control that my actions were just a reflection of who I was on the inside. It went on this way for so long, and I really do feel as though that is why I marinated in shame and doubt for so long. Because I couldn't see enough that those actions were not really who Greer was. They were reflective of a fear of mine.

Only now, because so much time has passed and I have allowed enough distance between that time and now am I able to see those behaviors for what they were. They aren't Greer, they were a manifestation of an internal unrest.

But doesn't it truly seem like a difficult process? Because each time we do act poorly, how can we not relate it to who we are? I mean, with my cheating for example, how could I not see that as part of who I am when I was the one facilitating it? But there is an element of burden that we place on ourselves when we are so attentive to our actions. In the same way that thoughts are just thoughts, actions are just actions. And how easy is it to say that whenever we do something positive, it isn't coming from an innate place inside of us that directly reflects our inner being?

There needs to be a clear distinction here between how we behave and who we are on the general. Our behaviors yes can be an expression of a current state of mind or emotion, but they do not reflect our deeply rooted character. So here for me I see my course. I want to be aware of my actions and how they effect the people around me and myself. Act for yourself and be true to who you are at the core.