pushing through pain

Example of pain for me: running on pavement. There is nothing for me like running on pavement that will send pain through my body. It more so than really anything else (except filing...but that is more of an emotional pain that physical) will send me in physical distress.

So when the Bolder Boulder (a hometown 10K tradition that is about 30 years old) came around this Memorial Day, I found myself so eager and excited to run that I completely forgot that my knees don't necessarily love it as much.

So about 10 minutes into the race, I began to hurt so badly. And it was a pain that was shooting in my knees that felt so deep that I almost had to quit. But didn't. And I thought about this throughout the entire race..."Why is it that I am continuing to run through this pain?" I thought to myself all of the reasons why and came up with a pretty minimal list: competition with myself, determination to not quit, habitual pattern to push myself beyond my capabilities, and unfamiliarity with my own boundaries.

All of the reasons that I came up with weren't necessarily pleasant to confront. But through the entire race, I was able to understand and acknowledge that I push myself through pain more than I would like to admit.

I realize that I am scared of deviations from my mainstream norm, I don't want to disrupt my own schedule and routine. I have guarded myself from feeling these kinds of anxieties surrounding this for so long and now finally I am encouraged and motivated to face them.

It isn't comfortable knowing however that for a majority of my life I have self guarded. I have prevented myself from being scared of realities, and have limited my own capability as a human because of it. I see now in myself an obligation to not push through the pain anymore. Don't run because you are scared. Stop because you are strong.