There are so many things that we grasp onto. And we grasp onto these things with such a veracious grip that seems inhuman. These are things spanning from core beliefs, fears of being vulnerable, ideals of perfection, impressions of how relationships should be, definitions of success, the importance of tradition, the list goes on and on.
I find that in my own time I have clung on to so many things of this nature with a grip that seems impossible to release. I have my own dilemma regarding what perfection means to me, how I want my relationships to be in my life, my ideals and morals, my impression of success, what it means to be wealthy, and the ever so prominent desire for control.
All of these issues have taken place at the forefront of my brain, setting up camp as a main focus of my attention and energy and I am seeing trends in my behavior which have allowed me to truly understand their place and power in my world.
These expectations and standards of living have been a result of influence from a myriad of places over my life. I have taken in information from all parties, family, friends, institutions, academics, and I have utilized what I have learned and adopted it for myself.
In retrospect I have seen myself and the opportunities that I took to fully adopt life mentalities from people throughout my life. I am so keenly aware of my inability to absorb their ways of living and appreciate them for what they are, take for myself what is applicable to my core beliefs, and use them as my own. I instead ignored what I needed for my own personal satisfaction and instead added them fully to my own repertoire.
It brings me then to another question, what are my morals and values? What are my core beliefs? And not the morals, values, and core beliefs that stem from influence, the ones that come me. And just me. Maybe I don't have them.
But then if I sit down and ask myself this question, I can go through in my mind what I want for myself and my personal satisfaction, and that is genuine. I think those beliefs were there the whole time I just didn't know to search for them and use them. It is an important process to live just for yourself and nobody else. We hold on to these preconceived notions of how you should live and what you should for yourself so tightly, and now is the time to let go lightly.
1 comment:
I've found that the more I experience life, Greer, the more I understand that very little in this world is clearly defined. And that includes morality... what I clearly understand to be "right" does not always feel "right", and vice versa.
The more I live and learn, the more I understand that life is subjective and relative. I believe that morality is largely determined by personal experience, filtered through our individual emotions and perceptions. Perspective is everything - therefore, being aware of your perspective is crucial.
An example from my own life? I work in child welfare - I'm charged with the responsibility of ensuring that children are safe. But with rare exception, I'm not determining if they are "safe" - I'm evaluating where they are "safer". And part of that equation (with the population I work with) is factoring in cultural relativity. And that's just reality.
Dealing with reality in any practical, constructive manner doesn't often allow us the freedom to make decisions based on preconceived notions of right and wrong. In reality, it's all relative to circumstance and viability.
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All of that to say that I get what you're writing here, Greer. We do have to be capable of letting go of preconception and trust our guts. The thing is, trusting your gut takes courage. I have to work at it every day.
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Your blog is such a mental journey. I really appreciate your determination to be self aware, Greer.
Much love,
Shea
P.S.
"It is an important process to live just for yourself and nobody else."
Sometimes. There are points in our lives where this is crucial and you're right - oh so important. But we don't live in vacuums. Eventually we have to factor in the circumstances and people with which we create a life. Right? xoxo
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