needs...who needs them?

For many years, I have found myself taking on the role of the nurturer. I have always taken such joy and pleasure out of helping others, in need or not. More often I found that when I extended myself out of the standard "energy requirement," it brought me closer to those around me.

Interestingly enough, the role of the nurturer came up in my Family Systems class. It was brought to the attention of the teacher that one of my fellow students really did identify herself as a nurturer and rescuer. Always wanted to take care of those in need, and making sure that she was taking away some kind of serenity from it. And I really appreciate and understand that serenity because I feel like I am wired in a similar manner.

I feel like I have inherited the majority of this almost servant like mentality from my mother. I feel lucky to have been raised under an umbrella of a role model and parent who really emphasized the importance of contribution and dedication to the people around me. She goes out of her way to help others, a true and generous heart.

And I have been able to understand the benefits and internal satisfaction that accompanies these gestures. And I have adopted them into my own repertoire. So here I am, feeling like I am coming to numerous crossroads in my life. Trying to sift between what is Greer, and what isn't. Determine where my life is heading and how I feel about it. Curious over my actions and interests, and whether or not they come from my internal constitution or are merely a manifestation of influence (from family, friends, society, culture).

I am seeing something that stands at the forefront of my decision making and trying to decipher what is truest to me and what isn't. I am realizing that while I do love giving of my energy and myself, I do have needs. And for many years I feel as though my needs haven't necessarily been acknowledged by myself. There of course are my passions and interests which are given time in my day (reading, writing, knitting, climbing, running), but at the core needs are more of what I'm talking about.

I see core needs as: asking for help and not being afraid to do so, trust and honesty in relationship, not being spread too thin, feeling nurtured myself in interaction, being understood and when not being notified, feeling connected and having the opportunity to connect to the world around me...those kinds of things. I see these qualities as basic interaction foundations.

I feel I am in relationship with people and the world, and I feel like just as I am adhering to the needs of others, I should adhere to my own as well. For how well can I serve if I don't yet serve myself? I am aware of this need for transformation and feel like I really am taking steps to nurture Greer.