small gestures

Those small unexpected gestures: a treat on my doorstep, someone working a stand at the farmers market giving away their product, random texts of love and appreciation, flowers on the table at home, etc...

These are small gestures that I have been finding popping up all over in my life recently. These seemingly small notes of kindness have seeped their way into my day and I find myself at times with this adrenaline high of gratitude.

I am surrounded by people who give endlessly, and who use what they have and use what they love and express that to those they appreciate in their life. I want to acknowledge those gestures as being at the heart of love. I know that in my life it is very easy to lose sight of what those gestures mean, and I become preoccupied with my own sense of obligation, expectation for myself, and don't extend myself in the ways of human relationship.

What do these gestures do for me? They set a standard. They raise a bar. They provide awareness. They allow me to see that at the end of the day, it isn't just about how I survive and prosper and get through my day, it is about how I show up for myself and for others. It allows me to see that the beauty of humans is our ability to be givers and receivers. And I know that people don't give only with the intention of getting in return (for the most part), but that true givers extend themselves because they have such appreciation for the act of extension.

Sometimes giving like that is scary though - I feel as though I am a giver. I thrive on knowing that I can take care of others, I feel like I extend myself beyond reaches at times because I want the people around me to know how I feel. I want there to be mutual love between myself and friends, and when that falls short, it is an incredibly lonely feeling. I have been in friendships and romantic relationships where the other party involved was a receiver and didn't understand the power of giving on that kind of a level. And I found myself feeling unappreciated and unsupported.

Now this isn't to say that I give for the wrong reasons, but when you find yourself constantly giving and giving with someone and not receiving any kind of mutual love and respect in return, it can be saddening. The sadness though comes from a place of longing for that person to understand the beauty of small gestures. Those small gestures make a BIG impression.

Just last night, I was meeting three friends with whom I have a long history. And they brought along a friend of theirs who I had never met, and we all enjoyed food and drinks, and as the check was being brought, she said simply to me "I don't know you really at all, but let me get your dinner." And it was one of those moments in my life where suddenly it all became clear: the giving element of a person's being not with the intention of receiving is the most beautiful trait of all.

It gives me the energy to give and give. It allows me to truly appreciate my friends and the people around me, and forces me to acknowledge that it is the simple gifts and gestures in this life that make us feel loved, appreciated, and supported.