my cocoon

There are those moments in everyone's life where there is a moment of threat to a person's emotional or physical being. That is not unique. What is unique though is how people handle that feeling of being threatened, and how it manifests. Each person has his or her own cocoon.

A cocoon is a retreat, it is a place of safety and seclusion, and it can take many forms. In class very recently, a teacher asked about animals defense mechanisms when there is a perception of imminent danger. For example there is the turtle who pulls all external limbs and the head inward. There is the porcupine who fans out an array of sharp quills so that nobody will come near. There is the chameleon who blends in with its environment so that i cannot be detected. And the list goes on and on. And even though the manifestation of coping is unique, each one of these animals behaves in a way to avoid further feeling of danger.

And that makes me think about my own personal cocoon and makes me realize that sometimes humans and animals are so interconnected. There is so much commonality in behavior that I find truly spiritual.

For me, when I perceive danger...I find there to be a distinction from what I want to do and what I actually do. So for me in this year of 2008, I have absolutely suffered. Suffered in ways that I didn't think I could handle. And throughout it all, I have had the overwhelming urge to retreat to my room, turn off the light, get under my covers, and forget the day. I would feel so incredibly empty inside, that it didn't feel like there was anyone on the planet who could help me fill my void. I would dream of going to sleep and waking up years later, so that the memories of my hurt would be distant.

But I found myself fighting that. Which now on reflection I am wondering if it was good or bad. At the time, I felt like fighting it was the right thing to do, I was so scared to retreat into the darkness and hermit into my own shell, because I thought I would never be able to escape it. So I pressed through it. But now I believe that I would have come out of the darkness and into the light eventually so maybe I should have allowed my body to live what it wanted.

But irrelevant, I didn't. And I filled my time with the people and things that I love . So I broke through my cocoon and wanted to appreciate the lessons I had been taught about the sanctity and delicacy of life. We all have our cocoons. And we all have our ways of dealing with actual or perceived danger. But it is our relationship with our cocoon that makes the difference.