the tentacles of rejection

Rejection I feel is one of those things that rears its ugly head in so many parts of one's life. It maintains a solid foundation, but waves poisonous tentacles all over a person's world, and instilling a fear inside that prevents the free will of pursuit of a rich and fulfilling existence.

For me, as of right now, I have defeated its strength and power over me, and have maybe developed an antidote for the poison it injects. But for many years, I was stopped dead in my tracks due to the fear of rejection.

I can think of two main areas in which rejection has played the biggest part in my life: relationships and academics. I have seen the power that rejection has had over me, and absolutely willed it out of my life. But trust me, this isn't a process that necessarily concludes when you want it to. Sometimes the power of "hearing no" almost acts as abuse. Once you experience that initial bruising and hurt, the pain may never be alleviated.

Relationships for me though have been interesting. I have absolutely put myself out there to men and without a doubt heard no. But over the years, I have learned to take that rejection not necessarily as a result of my own flaw but merely as an opportunity for exposure and growth. When I hear "I don't think it's going to work," I have to respect that for the many reasons why. I can't just assume that all of the reasoning has to do with me as a person. I feel like when the recipient internalizes rejection, that sets up a cascade effect of unhealthy patterns. For me, I feel that being proactive in a romantic pursuit can be accomplished by maintaining my reverence and respect for myself. Find the balance.

With academics, I came to my father as a rising freshman in college crying because I had been turned down at a school that I really wanted to go to. And he looked me in the eyes, took my hands and said only "Greer, rejection means you are shooting high enough. If you had been accepting everywhere, it would have meant you weren't striving as high as you could." That put me in my place and for the first time I really and truly felt ok with NO.

Therefore, in my life I am not necessarily going to demand that everything I want happen to happen, but I must maintain the assurance that I made every effort I could to hear YES. There will be no regret, no opportunities missed. Does hearing a NO mean you took steps back? Absolutely not, it doesn't make you any worse off, it just means that you are embracing vulnerability and turning you back on insecurity.