when given the option...

One of my best friends is quite a bit older than myself. And by that I mean 60 years old. We are two halves that fit seamlessly together. Yesterday was a big day for her. And I was one of a small handful of people who were allowed in to her private room of conflict. She is a woman who on the surface would communicate that turmoil doesn't really exist and I think this is such an amazing quality truly--because her conflict is shared but not in a way that permeates to those around her. She handles it with miraculous grace and poise. So when she came to me yesterday with this particular issue, she was feeling guilty and shameful of her previous actions.

In a nutshell, her career hadn't given her adequate reminders that her licensure to practice her skill had expired and that in fact she had been performing her job "illegally." Illegally is strong, and despite the fact that her competency was as strong as it has ever been, she technically wasn't licensed to practice. This stopped her dead in her tracks when she was informed.

And some things came to the surface. There were realizations in her career that had finally reached the point of acknowledgment, when for so long some feelings and desires had been suppressed and pushed under the rug. She finally was given the option to either pursue her career or stop it. Not that the option isn't always there, and anyone can exit out of ANYTHING if they want to, but now the fork in the road was staring her in the face as opposed to it being always in the distance but forever in reach.

Don't you feel that way, it is amazing how much more liberating you feel after coming to the ultimate realization that in fact you can say "I'm done" at any point. When I was in nursing school, I was so unhappy and felt stuck. I felt completely trapped and cornered until I came to an epiphany: no one is forcing me to do this. I can leave right now if I want to. So I did. I got in my car after packing up half of my room, drove 20 miles and then immediately stopped on the side of the road and realized what I was doing. I was acting on impulse and wasting gas.

I had a moment of liberation though because I realized that no one was in control of my decisions but me. So I turned around and drove home, walked into my room again, unpacked my belongings into my half packed room, opened my books, and got to work. Best self lesson ever.

So back to my friend. She has decided to pursue another road, she came to a fork in her road, and chose a path that wasn't necessarily consistent with her previous professional life. It wasn't easy for her, but she is doing it. She is embarking on new discoveries and doing EXACTLY what she wants to do. I love her.