a divided heart

My heart was divided yesterday. Divided by a man that I hardly even know. This division of the heart wasn't a crushing of it, but it was more than anything a separation of two halves. I met him a couple of weeks ago, quite a chance encounter. And through our initial meeting, I felt a connection. But I even mentioned this to friends of mine and communicated to them that no matter what...even if this spans no further than a friendship in the end, there is a bond. Something that I feel and I know he did too. And I was genuine in saying that I wouldn't be saddened if it didn't happen romantically for the two of us, because I am content in the fact that those unspoken kindred attachments are beyond sexual. They are a partnership for me. A counterpart.

This is an unexplainable feeling inside when you feel this soul connecting bond. There are no words, and to me I know in my heart that this feeling is too good for words. It blows words out of the water in that it permeates every inch of the soul and body. It gets into your bloodstream, you inhale it, it is felt beyond every sense. And before this point, I had only felt it once before in my life. Truly felt it. I was a junior in high school, and it was an unraveling of my heart. I felt as though I was a tight knit ball of yarn that was slowly being just pulled apart. In a beautifully wonderful and terrifying way.

Those connections to me stimulate the butterflies in my stomach to take full flight. They illuminate my mind and body in a giddy sense of being almost to where I am not walking, I am floating. And the more beautiful part of all of this isn't necessarily what I feel inside alone, but it is that acknowledgment from that other person who feels the same way and is floating with you. And for those periods of time of true connection with one another, nothing else exists.

Between two people, there are those silent expressions of affection. Words don't do it justice. There are the forehead to forehead silences, intensely tight hugs, brushes of cheek to cheek, a harmonious song played through the two minds. A simple eye glance expresses a world of feeling. Racing hearts and internal implosion. This song is what it feels like for me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYlHA2J0Bho.

These chance encounters are beautiful. They are intense in their processes and are so passionate and filled with beauty. This is what love is to me. That connection. It is beyond physical or needing to be physical. It isn't even that you and this other person are living in parallel, it is more like they are living in you. And you in them. The need for sexual intimacy almost doesn't exist in the beginning, because there is too much else to be preoccupied by. You are so infatuated by that feeling of energy.

It is glorious when those connections are discovered. It is difficult when the other person acknowledges them, but behaves in a "practical" manner, doing what is honorable to a previous ingrained relationship. I am respectful, but yet my heart is still divided. So I have hope that those connections exist and will continue on my path of exploration of this world. I wouldn't take that experience back for anything in this world.