getting it all done

So many balls flying in the air for me right now, and the same thing happens to me every weekend as I am looking at the week ahead of me...I wonder to myself, how did I let it get this full AGAIN?

So much of what I wanted to change about my 2009 was to calm this inner need in me to always be busy. It isn't that I don't enjoy it, because honestly there aren't parts of my day that I don't enjoy, I think though that it is the culmination of doing so many things in one day, that it almost seems as though each individual event or experience doesn't get its full due because my mind is pretty much consistently focused on all that is going to happen within each 24 hour period.

Each of the things I am participating are all expanding and enlightening me. I have part time jobs which are all different in their own respects. I am being challenged by my new bosses, I am being exposed to new worlds of art and public relations. I am learning time management and organization, I am being tested to stay on top of all things asked of me. And then there is school. School demands not as much of my intellectual capabilities as it does my emotional will power. The curriculum itself is rigorous, but I feel capable and up for the challenge, and was expected that with graduate work comes difficult academic work.

But again, with all of this...I do have this sometimes penetrating sense of fear that not all of my commitments will be fulfilled. Sometimes I think that I won't stand up to the challenges that I have made for myself. Maybe I am fearful of not living up to a standard that I have placed on myself. I am hard on myself. But there again, I create these opportunities for expression of my abilities. So I can't really be hipocritical because I am the one who has made myself the target.

So now when I notice myself feel those inner crawlers inside, who tell me that it won't all get done, I laugh at it. I say to myself, if I approach this with humor and ease, then with those two things IT WILL ALL GET DONE. Therefore, my mind relaxes. I am now not as afraid of squeezing it all in. I will take each experience and be as in the moment with them as I can individually. It all deserves appreciation. And now I am rest assured that it will all get done.