internalizing...

There are so many different methods of coping. There are a thousand ways that one can manifest hurt, sorrow, pride, fear, happiness, etc...Usually the "negative" emotions (ones that cause pain, so in most people's minds are viewed as bad) are the ones that are internalized.

For me, especially in 2008, I have found myself internalizing what I am going through. There had come a point in my life at some point during this year, kind of in the midst of all of the turmoil of unexpected circumstance, where I just felt like my processessing it needed to come to a halt.

There were so many parts of my day that were filled with people asking how I was doing, how I was coping, where I was in my grieving process, who I was talking to about it, etc...and I found myself truly exhausted. Found myself going to the other extreme and talking about none of it. And I don't necessarily feel as though that should be the primary exhibition of coping, but I do feel that it should be listened to when needed. We as humans weren't meant to constantly be processing and being vocal. Sometimes being internally quiet will allow ourselves as individuals to discover what our needs are and what it is that is causing us sadness.

Another reason I feel that I have internalized so much of it is because there are so many people in my community who are so brutually aware of all of the things that are occurring that I am pretty consistently questioned. And I don't want to just identify as someone who is going through all of these things, and someone who is always suffering emotionally.

I do feel though it is dangerous to be unbalanced in navigating through life and its unpredictability. As with most things in life, everything in moderation. I don't feel as though excessively verbalizing or internalizing is conducive to prosperity.
So in my circumstance, I feel as though internalizing some of my storms is of benefit to both myself and those people around me. Like I said, there is an argument for communicating calm seas, even when turbulence is the only internal weather report.