why do i need the validation?

I am discovering things about myself and my relationships...and it has entered into my awareness really through friendships.

Most of my being is confident. I have elements of my world and my persona and how I interact with things and people around me that I don't question. I know that I have a good head on my shoulders, I know that I am curious about life and its complexity. I know that I have people around me who love and care about me. I am confident in my work in both the office and classroom setting.

But as of late, and due to recent circumstances, my abilities to be a friend have been questioned. I had a door closed on me by a friend, in an attempt for her to fulfill needs of her own and in pursuring what it is that makes her truly happy from the inside out, I was cut out of the mix. And in my mind it was abrasive and hurtful, and I was not given an opportunity to speak my peace.

And what did I do with that information? I questioned MYSELF. How could this possibly be happening, and what have I done wrong to facilitate this behavior in someone I considered a pretty close friend? All of my questions were directed inward, assuming with all of my rational and logical being that I had behaved poorly, that I had hurt her...

I realized I craved and absolutely demanded validation from my other friendships that I was a contribution to their lives, that I had a place higher than a shut door. That I was a partner with them, a kindred spirit, that we could discuss anything and everything, and more than all else, that they knew I was there for them. Part of the communication between this friend of mine in the circumstance was that I was accused of not being genuine, being dominant, and that I never took the time to get to know her.

Those words were the most hurtful, because despite my extroverted and full life, I make it a point to allow my friends and family to know that my genuine ear and heart are theirs.

The need for validation doesn't now doesn't make me question my confidence in myself. But it did. And I was bruised. My ego and self container were tainted, and for a brief moment, I had a broken wing and a broken spirit. But now, I look forward, take that lesson, know that we are EVOLVING DAILY, and with each new day and new sunrise comes learning.