before you can help someone...

You must know how they need to be helped.

I am learning so much about this and have been for the last few months. I have realized about myself that I am a "rescuer." In my friendships and familial interactions predominantly, I have found myself when seeing someone in need racing toward them to provide aid.

It is difficult for me to see people that I love in disarray or hurting, and it is even more difficult for me if I cannot help. There is this natural inclination within me to help. I feel it is a large reason that I went to nursing school, I am drawn to serving my community and the people around me. And I have always thrived on the feeling it gave me, to know and understand that me going out of my way, even minimally makes a difference in someone else's life. And that to me is contentment.

So in this need to help others and feeling a need to express energy in that direction, I feel like I fell short in a couple of areas. Knowing when to help, and knowing what kind of help to give.

Knowing when and when not to help is a key factor. Sometimes I had found myself offering assistance to people in the wrong time, giving too much and smothering the recipient. Knowing that I was smothering was difficult for me, because it was never my intention to create a negative charge. But it is easily possible to do when you are helping someone and not really understanding the dynamic around the situation. Additionally, interestingly enough the act of helping out another seems selfless but there have been times in my life where I have helped others for a personal benefit. And I feel comfortable in acknowledging that, because I know that for me at this point now, I don't help until it feels like it is in the recipient's best interest. I now have a keen awareness of my audience before I act. And that way, the act isn't self involved.

I also slipped into a trap of not knowing how to help. Or more specifically, I found myself helping others in ways that I would want to be helped. And it is a beautiful thing to be able to accurately examine who you are helping and their inner dynamic. I have discovered that everyone receives help differently and prefers a unique blend of assistance.

To me that is the real rescuer. Someone who is there in a time of need, someone who can see when it is appropriate to give help, and someone who can gage what kind of aid to offer. These components make it real.