how do i identify?

I do apologize for having not written, my life has been twisted quite a bit the last week. I know all of you understand.

I think about this topic a lot. I am so fascinated by the premise of identity, that so much of my time over this last year and a half has been in exploring and understanding who and what I identify as.

I think about all of the people in the world, trying to understand how all of these influences in life can mold and alter our sense of identity. And for me I sometimes look at people who are close to me, family members and friends, who find themselves woven into this pattern of the expected identities. At certain ages, I should identify as this, when I have children, I now identify as this, when I retire, I identify myself as this...and we as a collective then miss the part about spontaneous experience.

It is scary to watch people who do begin to identify themselves as certain things. A dear friend of mine, found herself at the end of 25 years of child rearing and she was terrified. She had identified herself as a mother for years and all of a sudden didn't know how to live her own life.

She didn't know how to begin her day without the responsibility of children, she didn't know how to spend her mental energy without the preoccupation of making sure her children were well nurtured, and she didn't know how to fall asleep knowing that all of her babies were safe and sound. It is incredible, how she who once was a woman who had the world at her fingertips, wanting to take the most from her day, learn the tools of life, see the sights of the world, and needing rich experiences...to someone who didn't know how to get through the day.

I can see myself at this point in my life right now...and I identify myself as many things: I am a student, an athlete, a sister, a friend, a girlfriend, an explorer, a seeker...all of these things, I identify as. And I have had conversations with people, who identify themselves as a father, or a mother, or a girlfriend. That is such a common one with many woman my age, they identify as a partner. And sometimes with that I feel like personal interest and authenticity fall by the wayside.

I want to live my life to the fullest. I don't want to identify myself as one thing, mainly because I don't think I am just one thing. Even into my old age, I want to defy all of the societal expectations of how I should be living my life at all of these points. I want to keep my interest in the world and other people. I want to end my day knowing that it was lived. I mean really lived.

Don't just identify yourself as one thing, reach inside and understand what makes you authentic. Use that information and apply it to the world. Even though all of these identities that I have mentioned are valuable in their own right, they shouldn't be all that you are. Be as much as you can be.