The beauty of closure

Ask yourself this question: what to you, is closure? Given the events in your life, closure is usually associated with negative ones, it is an element of the grieving process and a facet of attempting to accept life on its terms. I was having a talk with a friend of mine who is suffering the loss of a loved one. Finding it hard to achieve "closure."

I think when a loved one is lost, you are almost afraid to have closure. I know that I was as a result of the unexpected death of one of my most cherished friends in the world, Eve Carson. I was scared to have closure, because for a moment I thought it had meant that I had moved on, that I was beginning to think less of her, that I was beginning to forget the nightmare. I wouldn't allow myself to have closure for many weeks, I kept taking myself through the motions of grieving. I would cycle back and forth between sobs to sleepless nights to days of preoccupation. My thoughts would center around the actual event, I would put myself (or at least try to the best that I could) in the position that she was in, have myself go there. That is something that I actually had never done with similar circumstances, and it made me appreciate that every human being has their own way of coping. For me, I had to go there. I had to imagine it.

But see closure in a new light. See closure as an opportunity to be at peace. Do not see closure as a door closed, but rather as a new bloom. See it as your own chance to find what it is about a negative event that has impacted you positively. For example, with Eve's death I have grown substantially in numerous ways. I have learned that (as cliche as it sounds), my days are going to be cherished. I will never miss out on a chance taken, I will never regret, I will love my world and the people around me. I can honestly say that yes I had this mentality before, but I am living the change I want to see in this world. I am going to be the best woman I can be, the best supporter, encourager, motivator, helper, contributor, teacher, student, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I will be all of these things for Eve. I also gained insight into the fact that the world is boundless with endless opportunity to explore and learn. We are students of the earth. So there for me, I have found peace and with peace comes closure.

Closure to me means stopping asking the unanswerable questions (the "why's"). Closure means processing life and its unpredictibility on your own terms. Don't force closure to come. As I was having this talk with my friend, I found myself saying that for me closure didn't come at once or even over a couple of days. It came bit by bit, through realizations on my own time, discoveries into my own personality, and patience.

Lesson for Tuesday: Be patient with closure. Do not see closure as a miraculous epiphany. It will come as the days begin and pass. It will present itself in a unique form, probably something that you didn't expect. But know that closure comes. Your mind and heart will soften, your spirit will be at rest. Out of the darkness, flowers bloom.