diffusion of responsibility

I stumbled on a domestic violence quarrel the other day on my way home biking from work. I was two miles from my home, thinking about the grilled shrimp that I had so carefully placed in my bag, and the cocktail sauce that I was balancing in my left hand as I rode. Not good to eat and drive.

I heard some yelling, and couldn't really understand a lot of the words that were being said and it didn't seem as though things were venturing out of the realm of "blissful marital spat." So I continued on with my bike riding and shrimp balancing when I had a feeling that I should turn around. So, going with that gut, I did. And I came closer to quite a shocking scene.

There was a man standing outside of his car with both doors on the left side open. He was screaming horrible things at this woman who was lying half way on the ground but was moderately propped up by a tree. Blood was pouring out of his nose and he was screaming at her to get in the car. I looked down at her, and a woman, who was half naked was bleeding from her face and was trying desperately to see out of two bulging black eyes. Covered in blood (probably her own and the man's) from head to toe, I rushed toward her. Needless to say I was the only one who did this out of the 10 people who were standing within 5 feet of her. I immediately ditched my bike (and my shrimp), and came to her side only to find her drunk and stumbling to find words. I had gotten a good look at the man who had yelled obscenities at her before slamming both doors in her face and speeding off. The other 10 people who were standing around looked horrified...frozen. I immediately demanded that somebody call 911 because this woman needed medical help.

As this was happening, I mentioned to the people rather politely that because this woman was bleeding from her face, maybe someone could get a towel. As the phone calls were being made and the towels retrieved, I got down on her level. Looked into her bruised and bleeding face and got through to her. Asked her who had mistreated her, asked her where she lived, asked her what her name was. All I could get from her was that she didn't need medical help, that her boyfriend had harmed her, and that it was only bumps and bruises.

Before I could get much more out of her, the police came and took over.

So, there were many things racing through my head throughout this experience. First of all, how is it that 10 people were standing around and nobody did anything? They stared at her like she was a spectacle, something to be heckled. For me, I was seeing her not as a woman covered in bruises and blood, but somebody who wasn't that far from everybody else, who just needed help and had found herself down the wrong path, desperately in need of guidance. There was a HUGE diffusion of responsibility, everybody there thought that because so many people were around, somebody would do something. And I guess maybe they were waiting for someone like me to show up. To not treat her as anything but a fellow human being.

Also, as I was speaking with this woman, all I could think about was "How did you get here, how did you let your boyfriend do this to you, where did your life take a turn?" And I came to my own conclusions on those questions.

Lessons learned: When you see a fellow man in need, help. Do not be one of those people who "diffuses the responsibility" onto others. Be that person that people assume is helping make a situation better. Be good in all that you do, know that you ended each day doing everything you could to help others. We are all in this together, remember that. Know that everybody comes from somewhere, don't assume that their present condition makes them less than you are. Everyone has a history, tainted or not, and deserves acknowledgment. Take the time to rush to someone's aid.