Oh 2008

2008 so for me can be looked at from two perspectives: a year of incomparable tragedy and sadness that streams in at a constant rate, pulling me down further and further underneath its waves, or a year of incomparable tragedy and sadness that has presented me with gifts of strength, optimism, and gentility.

Honestly, I used to go back and forth between these two options. In the beginning of the year, when I felt as though my world was crashing around me and all that was good was fading as the sun does at the end of each day, I was anything but hopeful. My only method of coping at that point was intermittent fits of tears or rage, sometimes both at once, really needing nothing but an immediate release of pressure inside my body. But no matter how much I cried tears of anxiety or screamed to the sky, the pressure was never relieved. It would build on itself until it could be contained no more. And this period of instability went on for a couple of months. I felt as though every time the severity of an event passed, another would claim my world and devastate me in a whole new way.

Over time, I was able to slowly mold into a new way of approach. I was finally able to absorb the awareness of tragedy and loss, and demand reasoning behind it. I am here finally at the dawning of a new day, feeling as though 2008 while being some of my darkest days have also been my brightest.

Through these tragedies in my world, I have learned lessons. I have taken solace in the unpredictability of life, and have understood that instead of focusing my attention SO MUCH on how hurt I am and how I have been pained previously, I should turn my head elsewhere. This isn't to say that each experience, good or bad shouldn't be remembered, but there is a time in everyone's life to shift the energy of your thoughts to the present.

For me now, it seems as though there is a break in the clouds, and I see the sun shine through the storm clouds with a hint of rainbow. But so now when I am confronted with circumstances that just further reinforce the fragility of life, instead of consuming myself with the sadness of it, I make it a point to really reinforce the positive. For example, as I was visiting Katherine Arnold, who absolutely stands as a beautifully angelic fighter, I was informed by my father of a terrible car accident that Dr. Moye was in a week ago. Immediately terrified and fearful that yet another one of Athens' finest had suffered even remotely, my father said to me "He has suffered significant bone crushing, has lost a tremendous amount of blood, but his brain is fine." That was all I needed to hear, that there was hope of his recovery, that his life was saved. A gift to me.

So take these events as they come into your life, cherish the days that aren't tainted by sadness, fear, death, and tragedy, and learn from the moments where these demons rear their ugly heads. They will be there waiting for us, but it is all about how we confront and manage them. In every new day, there is a time for lessons to be learned, and beauty to be seen.