when is enough enough?

I find myself standing in the middle of the world surrounded by people who are constantly building up and releasing pressure. Not necessarily pressure coming from other people, but all of it that comes from within. Pressure can exist in the form of frustration or preoccupation. Pressure can be something as simple as forcing yourself to complete that workout (which isn't always a negative), pursuing a career for the expectation of your parents, marrying the person others really want you to be with, or even cheating your way through school (wink wink). You can't see it directly, but you can see its effect and you can feel it.

I was meeting with a woman yesterday who has completed the masters program that I am about to start. She is going to be not only a fantastic friend in my life outside of the counseling world, but she is going to be an exquisite mentor. She completed the program when she was around 30, so she entered into this realm a little bit later than I, but I found after yesterday that we share so much in common. We relished in our individual experiences and our own epiphanies that brought us where we are today. She came to so many harsh realities that terrified her. We exchanged stories and got on the topic of humans and how we are conditioned to survive. It is quite remarkable how many hits someone can take, battle through the devastation and emerge on the other end still breathing.

For me, 2008 has been a year full of hits. A brutal concentration of loss I have suffered, but through the midst of it, through the tears and suffering, I knew that no matter what, I would survive it. I had no expectation of being a stoic, and knew that I would wear my sadness on my sleeve. I have watched over the past few months with diligence the family members of those passed and have been completely taken by their courage. The stamina of a mother who is able to walk by her precious daughter's room and not collapse in the doorway, the sister of the man who is able to continue her job teaching and enlightening young minds, the father who spends his birthday at the hospital bedside of his beloved...all of these things tell me one simple thing:

Humans are survivors. In my experience, just when you think you are able to withstand no more of the devastating storm of life, the dark clouds appear, and fear envelops your heart.

Lesson for today: Don't be intimidated by the unpredictability of life. Relish in the unknown. Know that deep within you lies a strength and courage 100 times as strong as you ever imagined. Don't ever doubt that each one of us has an ability to move mountains. So when you find yourself fatigued, hopeless, desperate to ask the unanswerable questions, look within. The strength you need and more are all in there.