being human

There is something to be said for the simplicity of a human. Unfortunately, we progress through our days, day after day, being consumed by specific obligations and expectations that we set for ourselves, and that others set for us. We find ourselves like fish on a hook, just scrambling to be freed from this cycle.

For me I know, I find myself living a life very similiarly to my mother's. We both have a tendency to pack our days full of numerous obligation: school obligations (eek, now I am a full time student), work commitment, social engagements with friends, taking care of animals, and finding time for myself.

When I was talking with my therapist today, we were discussing the true beauty of the human. At the core of us, we are very simple creatures. We were born with so much fragility and yet so much strength and brought into a world of stimulation, complexity, and excitement. But at our core, we are simple creatures.

Then as we age, we immediately begin the process of learning language and social skills, learning human interaction and the rules of culture. We are instantly expected to adhere to specific norms and adjust accordingly if those norms aren't fulfilled. We are flying blind. We enhance our foundation remarkably and before we know it, we have grown into adults with this vast body contained by a thin shell.

We are emotional creatures whose hearts and minds take up enormous room. We are barely able to contain ourselves in our skin. There is a flurry of emotion that must balance on a day to day basis, and while doing so maintaining an outer "face." We are also physical creatures who crave stimulation because that is what we are used to. We push ourselves constantly to keep up with the people around us.

And then I want to come back to square one. I want to go back to the beauty of the simple human. I want to go back to the moments where so little satisfied me and where I didn't need much. And even though I do consider myself someone who doesn't need much to be happy, compared to others, I do. But I want to seclude that element of my personality and discover what it is that I truly need. And give the rest away. I want to live in simplicity. Not just on the outside, but on the inside too. I want my mind to be simply operating, without all of this noise distracting me. Daily I will fight for this. And I know that it will never be resolved, but I know that with time it will be manageable.

I know how I am going to get there. How are you going to get there?