the wax and wane of luna

Precious heart.

My darling dog got to take a glorious visit to the vet yesterday (and Luna always freaks out when she goes, because of the copious amounts of animals in the waiting room and the insanely yummy treats). And it is always the most hilarious and insane process getting her to jump on the scale, I can't ever tell if she is afraid of it or if she is just too distracted by the synthetic meat smell coming from the treat bowl.

All of that aside, Luna has been showing some startling signs in the past month or two that motivated me to have her checked out. Every time she runs up the stairs she trips and falls, and when I see her standing still at any point, she will immediately sit as if her legs were weak. So I took her in, and they did a quick hip exam to see if anything offset was noticeable. After even two minutes I heard those words..."this is really serious." They could feel her hip click out of joint even just with range of motion. No bueno.

So they told me to bring her in today to have her do "sedated x-rays" which eh...made me a little bit nervous. So I took her in today, and when she was ready to be picked up, I came over and got the run down from the vet. Both of her hips are completely out of their sockets, and her knees are out of alignment too.

Here I am. Receiving the news that Luna is going to be on medication for her life and will require surgery at some point. I can't provide these things for her. I realize that this is a moment where I need to make a decision. I need to make a choice that would be not best for me, but best for her.

So I have to let her go. I suddenly realized that it isn't all about me. It isn't all about me needing to have a dog and everything that goes along with it. I can't keep Luna and not give her the medical attention she needs just because "I can't bear to lose her." While it does break my heart to think of her not in my life, I must think of her best interest.

A good lesson for me, it isn't always about what we want. Sometimes our personal interest and satisfaction need to be placed aside to understand and acknowledge what really is best for those you love. Even if that includes letting them go.